Lumbar spinal stenosis.
Mild scoliosis.
You-have-to-lie-still-for-an-hour-long-MRI-osis.
Let's just say I freaked out a little bit today, just before my MRI, and it wasn't over the thought of lying still for an hour under that ginormous magnet that sounded like an epic game of "Space Invaders" being played over my torso.
I started to worry about what they might find.
Or NOT find.
What if they find out a tumor is growing in my spine, like some freakish sic-fi thing, devouring me from the inside out and cracking my vertebrae like bubble wrap?
What if I have a herniated disc that's oozing gunk and has to be surgically repaired? With a KNIFE??
What if they DON'T FIND ANYTHING AND I'M LOSING MY EVER-LOVING MIND?
(and my mobility)
I won't know definitely till next week. In the meantime, I'm picking up a disc of my imaging tomorrow to quietly panic over at home while I still can't drink alcohol to calm myself.
And to send to the Dr. Kid Brother.
The scoliosis surprised me. It's not severe (obvi), but I noticed it on the screen as I walked up, and I was thinking: "Holy s**t! My spine is all curvy!" just as the PA was saying: "And here, you can see you have a mild case of scoliosis."
Don't public schools screen for this? Isn't this part of the point of a Well Child Checkup? To say "Well, I checked up, and that's a child whose spine is NOT trying to mimic the Autobahn"?
Whatever.
The stenosis is from the very, very bottom disc in my spine flattening out and literally causing a pain in my ass. And back. And legs. And checking account.
It's narrowing the roomy canal that my spinal column has grown accustomed to, and the two are fighting like bitchy PMSing roommates. I've been trying to tell them that none of us are winners in this argument, least of all me. It hasn't worked.
It's probably because I'm fat. Or something. They love to blame everything on being fat, even for people who don't have fat.
(For the record: I have LOTS of fat)
Whatever.
In the meantime, my back, my legs and my ass still hurt, and we're still not (exactly) sure why.
At least I'm walking. Which is much more than I can say for my status a week ago.
Huzzah.
