Things that became very unavailable very, very quickly a year ago:
Hand sanitizer
Rubbing alcohol
Aloe gel
Soap
Toilet paper
Paper towels
Facial tissue
Bidets
Masks
Gloves
Lysol
Pinesol
All the -sols
Bleach
Potatoes
Chicken
Pasta
Pasta sauce
Flour
Milk
Powdered milk
Soy milk
Almond milk
Coconut milk
Cashew milk
ALL. THE. MILK.
Beef
Soup
Broth
Acetaminophen
Thermometers
Decongestants
Vitamin C
Sugar
Ammunition
Handguns
Canned vegetables
Canned fruit
Canned meat
Pulse oximeters
Common sense
Compassion
Patience
Sanity
I was chuckling at people voicing their anxiety over entering March again until tonight, when I began compiling that (incomplete) list.
Last March was A.W.F.U.L.
April, May, June ...
I remember being scared & very, very drunk to try to escape it.
Police were guarding/blocking grocery stores and people were fighting store clerks. People tweeted about washing their produce in bleach, and I told myself they were crazy while I simultaneously wondered whether I should give that apple a little bleachy rub-down.
I found YouTube channels broadcasting anything soothing — hours-long scenes of bison grazing in Yellowstone. Jellyfish undulating in the ocean. Rivers coursing their way through the Olympics. Cozy, computer-generated cafe scenes with hours of jazz music.
Anything to escape.
I listened to friends experiencing mental crises.
I stayed away from my parents for MONTHS out of fear that my nearness would kill them.
I cried in my car. The park. My apartment. My office bathroom. My parents' backyard. The empty grocery store aisles.
I peed in a clump of bushes because the park bathrooms were locked. I peed behind roadside rocky outcrops because rest areas were closed. I peed in a lot of strange, breezy places last year.
I never want to feel that fear and uncertainty again.
I would do a lot to never feel that again.
Time has obviously helped.
We know so much more than we did.
WE HAD VACCINES LESS THAN A YEAR LATER AND I GOT MY FIRST ROUND LAST WEEK!
I was fortunate to stay employed and working.
I found some peace in:
Talking to doctors and scientists
Taking a break from alcohol
Establishing a mostly-regular bedtime
Taking vitamins at regular times
Talking to friends. A lot of friends. Very frankly and honestly about how I feel
Listening to friends doing the same
Hugging my dog
Listening to my favorite music and discovering *new* favorite music. Life is too short to pretend to like anything else
Being honest with myself and with God when I'm angry and out of line
Taking road trips just to see something that wasn't my angry town. Lucy and I spent a lot of time alone in the mountains.
I know I learned a lot about myself through this mess, but those are lessons I'd have preferred to learn more gently.
I'm just glad I was *finally* able to cook up all the the Pandemic Panic Chicken.
That was nuts. 🙄
March 2021: Let's not do that again.
